He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Two words: nipple clamps
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