My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
