beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize