connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
