I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
