i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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