We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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