Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
