$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
