My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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