woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I supernannyed him into submission
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
