Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
