The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm really busy with my period
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