This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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