just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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