Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.