the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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