Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
