I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
