You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
