haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
