I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
