he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize