so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
