Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
