you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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