Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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