You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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