Banned from zoo.
Again?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
