But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
