Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
