i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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