Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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