then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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