I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
