yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
