They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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