my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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