Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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