idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
