Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
