i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
