I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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