I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I won the penis lottery.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
