Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
