I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
