And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
