i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
