he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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