Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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