there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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