Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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