ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
