it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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