Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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