Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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