Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
