I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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