Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
