I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
