I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i think my cat just said my name.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
