You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
