I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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