I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
