She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
